Disney appears to be on cruise control with this one.
The film studio released a trailer Friday for “Jungle Cruise” starring Emily Blunt and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. The movie is conveniently based on the longtime theme park rides at Disneyland in Anaheim, Calif., and Disney World in Orlando, Fla.
The Florida ride’s premise is described as “a scenic and comedic boat tour of exotic rivers across Asia, Africa and South America,” while the Cali premise is even more succinct: “Cast off on a guided tour of the world’s most remote rivers — where dangerous beasts and dry wit abound.”
Either one sounds way more thrilling than anything happening in this trailer.
The preview finds Lily Houghton (Blunt) in her khaki safari finest, preparing to track down a magical tree in the Amazon “that possesses unheralded healing powers.”
She finds a willing tour guide in Frank (Johnson), who normally advertises his ramshackle jungle cruises as “undoubtedly the cheapest, but also the most thrilling.” Frank is willing to charge her $10,000 for the trip on his well-worn boat, or $15,000 if she winds up dying en route — because then he’d have to carry her.
“Dead’s a lot harder, lady,” he explains. (Maybe that’s the “dry wit” part of things?)
Cue a massive waterfall for them to go over as Lily admits she can’t swim. “The price just went up,” he says as they float into the abyss.
At that point, does anyone really care what awaits them farther upriver — besides big paychecks for Blunt and Johnson and even bigger bucks for Disney to dump into the Magic Kingdom’s coffers?
Or are we just praying for their quick cascade over the falls since we’d frankly prefer to get wet and wild on the theme park rides themselves?
“Jungle Cruise” is set to hit theaters July 24, 2020.